The Real Housewives of Disney

Lindsay Lohan hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend and with all the tabloid coverage leading up to it, I almost believed it myself that she could, perhaps, no longer be such a hot mess.

Suffice to say that her performance was very mediocre, barely funny, and fraught with plenty of cue card reading, which was disconcerting because her eyes kept looking off to the side. Like if someone was talking to you but they kept looking at your ear the entire time. Askew, something's definitely askew.

It's been a while since I last saw LiLo and she looks different. Her face looks decidedly puffy, like she got herself all plumped up but didn't quite know when to stop. Her eyes look different too, I can't quite figure out if it's the make-up or those ridiculously unwieldy bangs which left me wanting desperately to sweep the hair out of her eyes.

The highlight of the night was The Real Housewives of Disney, which was a real hoot, complete with incessant eye-rolling interspersed with exasperated exhaling.

LiLo was forgettable as Rapunzel, but hair-wrenching jokes aside, Kristen Wiig was downright hilarious as housewife du jour Cinderella - deliciously brash, drunk and a total train wreck. Saved in no part by her campy Prince Charming, who descended on the housewives with delectable cattiness.

Belle, adorned in Smugness and dripping with old money, shamelessly flaunted her wealth whilst embarking on a hip-hop rapping career.

Midriff-baring Jasmin sans Aladdin brought the drama with an ill-fated extramarital affair, and Type A Snow White (reminding me very much of Reese Witherspoon) fake-commiserated with the distraught Jasmine, whilst sharpening her claws and plotting the downfall of Cinderella.

If there was a Real Housewives of Disney show, I would totally tune in to see these trash talking princesses, every single week.